Reply to a friend who is going through weight loss surgery

I've been very depressed and down on myself and letting life run me over so I haven't spent much time here. I wanted to record everything and stay faithful to this blog but I let it slip by. Anyway, one of my fb friends who is going through the weight loss surgery experience posted that she felt down and doubted her decision to go through with it. I wrote her a reply that ended up long.

When I read it a second time I decided I would make it a blog entry. Linda C. this one is for you !

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Linda I understand. For years I tried to fix the problem myself. I spent money on weightloss groups, pills, gymn equipment, and all kinds of diets. At some point we have to let go and tell ourselves that we have done as much as we can, time to call in the experts.
If somebody broke a bone, would we expect that person to fix it by themselves? No, we call in a doctor to set the bone properly and put a cast on it. We have been conditioned as over-weight people that we are lazy, have no will power, looking for a quick fix. The vast majority of us are nothing of the kind, and would have never willingly put ourselves in the predicament we are in, no more than an alcholic or drug addict decides in advance that they will become dependent on those things.
Our drug is food, and unfortunately we can't get away from it. We need to eat every day, prepare it for other people, it's in our face all day long. I get so frustrated over the things thin people say about heavy people and how we got this way...grrrr I'm on a rant here...Linda I understand if nobody else does because I am going through it and I am still learning right from wrong and how to deal with a stomach redesigned by surgery.
Please don't get depressed or figure it's all your fault, or this is what you get when you eat all the pie and cake. We are our own worst enemies. My med nurse told me once that I would never treat another person as harshly as I treat myself. This is longer than I intended to write and maybe I should have pm'd you. But you know, I hope many people read this and let it strike a chord. Maybe they might understand just a little if they read something by a fat person (((((((Linda))))))

Feeling pretty good today

Today is a brilliant day, the sun shining brightly in a cloudless sky on all the icy snow. If I go out, I will need shades so I can see with all the white on the ground. However, I won't be going out today. I thought I was, but my carotid artery ultrasound is next Tuesday, not this one! So glad I saw it in time not to show up for nothing and waste my gas.

Sunny days like this one give me energy to do things at hand, so this is why I am posting today..here lately I haven't felt like it. My diet has been terrible for the past week. Definitely not helped by grey skies and my grandson's birthday cake and ice cream! I am powerless when it comes to this kind of temptation!

I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich for breakfast, and I plan to have cottage cheese mixed with something for lunch. Maybe some yoghurt for flavour. Then I will do my best to get around my husband's cooking. You see, he comes from the mountains down south and most of his food, though delicious, is full of fat and calories. I have some Healthy Choice diet meals in the freezer, I will do my best to eat one of those for supper.

Much of my eating problems come from the fact that my husband is an early-to-bed-early-to rise- person and I am a night owl. So he likes to eat supper around 2pm and heads to bed after 4pm (he says he is watching TV but I know he sleeps through programmes.) So here's me getting up at 7, having breakfast around 9, and I should be eating lunch about the time he likes to eat supper. Back in the day before I knew him, supper was at 5pm and I do my best when I eat like this. During the depressing winter months it is so easy just to eat what he does and when he does, then be hungry in the evening and night hours that I am up.

The fact that my eye doctor found cholesterol in a vein in my left eye last week (hence the test and blood work) means I will probably be put on a low fat diet (technically I am supposed to be on one anyway, as I take pills for high cholesterol) means I will have to be extra strict. Today I feel able to cope. I hope tomorrow I feel able to cope as well, for my health's sake

Haven't written in a while

I am making myself write this because I don't feel like doing it. Some might say, that's when you have the most to say. My thoughts are all jumbled. All I do on the pc is play games. I used to spend a lot of time doing other things on line. After all Facebook isn't the whole internet. So why do I spend so much time here?

I don't even keep up with my fb family like I should. I am stuck under my rock, can't even think for myself much less anybody else. This is the shameful truth. Now, not only have I boxed myself into a small house not wanting to come out. I have also boxed myself into a little corner of fb and can't see past the games.

Maybe I need to call my med nurse but do you know all she'll do is put up my pill dosage.. If I tell her I want to go to the partial hospital again she will say fine but then I have to add that I don't have a way up there and back. I've also boxed myself and my car into a limited place. Home, work, doctors I can get to. Otherwise I ask somebody (usually my daughter) to take me. I have put myself in a box and I don't know how to climb out.

Besides all my mental ignorance I did find out one thing about my lapband which helps me at night. A couple of nights I woke up with an awful pain in my gut. It felt like something was tunnelling it's way through my stomach and was having a very hard time getting through. Well it was all my fault. I have been getting away with murder picking at this and that and one of the things I was picking at was potato chips. Also I am not very good at remembering to chew everything that I eat very thoroughly before I swallow. Well my guess is that some chips that were not chewed right were getting stuck in the small section where the band was around my stomach. I waited it out because there was nothing I could do about it. Then I resolved not to eat any more potato chips, at least at night when they would give me trouble.

Back to the partial hospital, I feel that I could get more out of it if I could attend, because I went last summer and spent a lot of time feeling my way around, getting used to the way they did things. This  time I could spend more time on my problems. I said this last summer but I will repeat it here. At the partial hospital, you are made to focus on your own troubles, this is your time, and to put yourself first for once in your life. Many of us give little pieces of ourselves away every day until there is nothing left but an empty shell. This is the point I have gotten to. I know when I need help