When the Stars go Blue

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue, blue
When the stars go blue

This just about says how I feel now, except there is nobody following me, and if there were, what would I do when they caught up with me?

Let's just say my life is very confusing now and I wish there was somewhere I could go to get away from it all. People do what they want. There's nothing I can do about it so I guess I just have to go on with my life the best way I can and let the cards fall where they may.

I just get so very tired of drama, it only adds to my depression and how I feel about myself. There were 2 times today that I ate junk after something happened. I feel sick to my stomach now. I started off with an orange at 7:30, well that is OK. Then I ate about 10 of those small powdered donuts and after those about 8 cream filled cookies. Later I went back for more cookies and they were hone.

I imagine my daughter hid them for my own good but then I ate 2 pop tarts and here I sit. It was explained to me a long time ago that when you eat for emotional reasons, it's because you are stuffing down the bad feelings with what you're eating. This is why I am so large and I defeat my own self.

Just because I know this doesn't mean it keeps me from destructive behaviour. I wish I had a different life but I don't want change. Meanwhile I am 55 and not getting any younger. I desperately want a thin body but it seems I don't want it bad enough to leave the junk alone.

I don't even care about myself enough to at least eat a nice quality of sweets but the cheapest junk finds itself going down my throat.

I don't even care enough about myself to gain weight on something that is worth eating. Exotic chocolate, expensive pastry made with the best ingredients or the best ice cream I can get my hands on

If I could only find out who was following me when the stars go blue