Fed Up and Hanging By A Thread

I am writing this before I get ready for work. It seems like I am a sponge. Every ignorant thing that goes on around me (or to me) and every ignorant thing that is said to me, just seems to get stuck inside of me. It's supposed to bounce over me and have no effect.

I seem to think of it this way. Before I had a bubble around me and all the negative stuff would bounce off. And I have seen some negative stuff in my 55 years, same as everybody else has. To a greater or lesser degree.

Well folks my bubble has become eroded over the years, leaving me more and more vulnerable to BS. I think I have lost the last pieces of protection I had here lately because all I can do is cower before life, let it kick me around, and not kick back. Life yells at me and I don't yell back. Sometimes life even hits me and I don't hit back.

I've reached rock bottom and I am just existing. I can't even call it depression because I'm not even feeling anything good or bad. All I know is a person can only absorb so much negativity before they explode.

This is why Patti arranging this Out Patient Course is something I am hanging onto hear life. I do mthe evaluation on Thursday and I don't know what to expect at all.

I don't know what they will do to and for the other women who will attend this. Yes there are other powerless women in the world who have had enough and are going down for the third time. We just want someone to throw us a lifeline that's all

And now I have to get ready for work. Five hours of doing for others and being understanding and helpful and empathetic to my old folks. I seem to have no trouble providing to others what I should be able tom also provide for myself.

Patti once told me a few years ago that I would never treat anybody else as badly as I treat myself.

Well someone is throwing me a lifeline and I hope I can learn to cope and take back some of the personal power I have thrown away over the years