Haven't written in a long time....

It's been so long since I wrote anything here. No, I didn't drop off the edge of the earth. I've just been very down and my mind seems to be like cotton wool and doesn't want to work. I am hoping that writing this, will mean that I am looking up a little and maybe things are turning the corner.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the weight loss surgeon's office for my check-up and they gave me a 1cc fill (in the past it has been 2cc's.) This means I have to be very careful to chew my food well because it gets stuck in the banded part of my stomach and won't go down. When I first begin to eat, usually I have forgotten this and I have to find out the hard way. It is a very unpleasant feeling, like something  is lodged in my throat. I drink something and it takes a slow time before it passes the barrier and enters the larger stomach below. One day I will remember to chew well on the first bite.

I like to eat peanut butter and banana on toast for breakfast. This is an example of a food that must be chewed thoroughly before it goes down. Some foods are smooth (such as ice cream and  mashed potatoes that I have no business eating anyway.)

Speaking of ice cream, I have some forbidden things to confess that I ate yesterday. I do well for breakfast. I am not a big breakfast eater so that sandwich and coffee is all I want. But yesterday I was on a roll. It seems once I start, I can't stop.
I ate:
coleslaw (not low calorie)

2 slices of pork,  that was more fatty than I should have eaten (leftovers)

Hubby went to work for 1pm and I remembered there was maple walnut ice cream in the freezer. I wasn't happy until I had eaten 3 helpings. Gene will know when he goes to get some for himself that I ate it. Some I can explain away. I'll say that Amanda ate it,lol. But I know the difference

2 large helpings of natcho cheese chips (a weakness of mine, for the cheesy, salty taste)

By them I was overfull and uncomfortable and wish I never saw this food much less ate any. I can't remember off the bat what else I ate besides a pickle sandwich and two handfuls of ripple chips. By them some food had gone down and I ate a frozen diet meal (210 calories)

Then a break from eating (fat pig that I am) and about 8pm I made myself some diet ice cream from Slimfast powder and milk, ate this about 10pm and that was the end of my awful day of  eating.

All I can do is put it behind me and start afresh today. For lunch I might eat some baked beans (protein) and hopefully that won't start a chain reaction of cravings like yesterday. I must stick to this. We are in March now and at last weigh in I was 252 lbs. If I want to get anywhere near 200 lbs I have to do some hard, hard work. Wish me luck