Why does it take such an effort for me to do the things other people just take in their stride of a day? Even taking my pills is something to be put off as long as possible. Who am I to wish someone would show up and hand me a small paper cup of pills just like the nurse does in the nursing home where I work?
Taking a shower, fixing myself something to eat, much less doing household chores requires such an effort. This is why I tend to reach for the easiest thing in front of my face to eat. Junk requires no thought, no preparation, such a pity it is so terrible for your health. No matter what the people in this house think, it isn't my choice to eat junk food and deliberately make myself fat and unhealthy. It's just EASIER, what part of that don't normal people understand?
I see Dr. Pohl (weight loss surgeon) on the 14th for my next office visit. The insurance has cleared my application and it's all systems go I guess but I know he won't recognise me from what I was 4 months ago. I am fat and very swollen in the face and have a bum left leg and a brace on my foot. I haven't gotten on my bike in a long while, it is growing dust and clothes. It's not that I don't want to exercise. I know what I have to do. It's just I can't seem to make the transition from the seat I am on now, and the seat on the bike.
PEOPLE JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND what depressed people go through. They give us lip-service and medication, push us out the door with a list of things to set us on the right path for health. But something gets lost in the translation and it is all I can do to put one foot ahead of the other. So far I have taken my am pills, filled out and posted two bills and cleaned my teeth. Gene is embarrassed to have to get my pills from Wal-mart and I can't blame him. I am all out of Lamictal and the Wellbuterin is not far behind.
Somehow I will have to get a shower and drive up there and run in and out of the pharmacy because I have no choice. If I don't take those kinds of pills I feel very sick very quickly.
Hang in there. It is not easy and I understand completely. Your hubby is not the only one to have difficulties with a wifes depression.
ReplyDeleteawwww Careen thanks so much for the encouragement. Sometimes I feel so "odd man out" and it makes it worse when your own family treats you worse then any stranger would!!! If you have such a husband I am so sorry for you as well, some are like that, I guess we can't blame a person for the way they are but I don't ask for pity, only for understanding and a little positive back-up sometimes :) Thanks for reading and making such an understanding reply hun xxx
ReplyDeletehay linda i know all to well what you ar saying..somtime i do not what to get out of bed to go pee but the only problem with that i will pee my pants....lol some time i wish i had majic make thing get done and do thing with out moving a musal unforshnetly i do not have that....lol so i am stuck like you trying to get that one foot in funt of the outher..life sucks some times we just gout to keep moving
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