I wish I could say that my mood is a little better but I don't feel too sharp. It's just the same-old same-old. I am trying to cut down on my food intake because when I visited the Dietician on Monday I was 269lbs. Before that I was 261, and the first appointment I was 256. What am I trying to prove to myself. Until I can prove that I can lose some weight, turn this gaining around, then I can't have my surgery done. In other words I will have to "stay after school in detention" until I get it right and can go home.
Maybe subconsciously I am shooting myself in the foot, I don't know. I want to get this operation done, give me something to work for and a new look at life and a chance to unload 100+ lbs and get on with life. I told the Dietician I just want the weight gone, I don't care about how beautiful I would look but I am sick of being in pain with my back and legs.
Right now I am having no problems but then I am not doing anything at the moment. I have clothes to wash and by the time I am done with the laundromat I'll be hurting again. Plus when I work this weekend I'll have to take the Naproxen (not that it helps much) and by Sunday night my stomach will be bothering me again. I know the answer to all this. Have some weight gone by the time I see that Dietician again.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Sometimes we hold ourselves back without even knowing it. They are not gonna give me the green light until I get this last stretch of the race done. I passed my heart, endoscopy, they know I have sleep apnea and no gall bladder. I have to try.
No matter how much I have to put up with around here I have to somehow get past that and allow other people to help me save my own life. My bike is here. My excuse is my left knee pains me to ride. I'll have to suck it up and get on with it. I have to try harder. Nobody can get to the finish line but me.
I have cut back on the emotional eating but I can do better. I have tried to keep a food diary of sorts. But I don't think it will be enough and I have to try harder. No matter how miserable my life is I have to struggle to the finish line any way I can
i here you linda....i am sapost to see a dietishion to but my wife had not mad a appment for me yat......kinda happy becouse i relly do not what to go....i have to go becous of my whate and my hi clasteral.....even thoue i have lost about 20 lbs in the last few months......i am not ashamed of my whate at all i some what like it.....when i was a kid i was always skin and bones.....so i think that is why i like some of my whate........i just do not whan some one telling me what i can eat......my wife has started it when i go to 288lbs....and i will say i was allittel scard......now that i have been losing some whate i been felling better.....i cant say i know where you are coming from.......but i do understand how you fell.....as like you i have sleep apnea i sleep with a bi-pap machine i been for 2 years now......along with all my outher healt problems i do not fell good about my self......sorry about all that i under stand how hared it is to get motavated bacikly i look at it this way if you whanet bad enuf you will do it......i know you can lose the fuew lbs you need to get the lap-band ......i will have my fingers croossed for you to get where you need to bee..........thank you your friend james
ReplyDeleteThanks Jim for a your encouraging words, so sorry I only just saw your comment, I only show up here if I want to post something. This weight is dragging me down. I take cholesterol pills to and have HBP and now it is affecting my getting around so something has to be done. I don't even care about looking better, I just want to feel better. Today I will try to ride my bike a little (recumbent) and try again to cut out the junk. I didn't keep a food diary last time so I am trying to keep one now. These people don't know how easy it is just to eat whatever Gene puts in front of me, I don't cook for myself, so I ended up eating KFC chicken pie instead of something decent. I really have to do better. Don't let yourself get any bigger than you are because you will be like me afraid to fall down because I am so off-balance
ReplyDeletelinda hope you lose the whate you need to do the sergery....got my fingers crossed......work on eting right an hope the bike works out for you.......i have a bike in my room my kids use it more than i do my wife what me to get ridde of it but rite now it work grat as a fan stand.........lol i will not gane any more whate than i am now.....i like being bigger but not that big.......lol i here ya i just whant to fell better to .......i been fiting this sence i was a kid i do not se it geting anybetter soon.
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