I know this is an awful thing to say because I should have taken something away from my experience. Last week for the first few days when everything was new it was something different but I guess over the weekend I went downhill. Yesterday was my last day and I just drifted through and got discharged and that was that.
Maybe I missed the ones that were struggling along with me and one by one they finished their 5 days and left. But you know if I met all of them right now for breakfast I think we would all stare at each other and the only thing in common would be the few days we spent in the day hospital of the Crazy House.
I must be real low because I was treated very well and learned a lot and it was nice to be where I was the normal one with my mental illness rather than the odd person out in regular life. I felt accepted there but on Monday I knew it wasn't all about me any more and it was time to move on. The new ones needed encouragement I wasn't able to give. I told my psych that I felt like I was in high school and my exams were done, nothing else to do so why show up any more.
He understood. What would I have to gain by starting a whole new week over and I could have if I wanted to. But it was time to move on. Maybe when I feel better I can really appreciate what I learned and apply it all to my life. A lot of it I already knew because I am very good in The School of Hard Knocks.
I think it's time to shift around my meds again. I need to climb out of this hole I am in and start to struggle again, maybe go forwards instead of standing still or worse, go backwards any more.
I hate being mentally ill. I accepted long ago that there would be medication all my life to take and I accepted my prognosis. I feel nothing, lets see what Patti can do for me tomorrow
i agre with you i hate being mentally ill to.....life is not fare but as long as i have my wife and kids it make it ezer somtimes......for me going into a hapatel dos not much for me ecept the med change......i live my day as a day at a time some days are good and some are bad......but that is life as long as i keep geting out of bed in the morning......it a new day i have my wife and kids .......thay keep me going......with out them i do not know where i would be to day......tank you and may you have a good day.
ReplyDeletejames oconnor / jess husban
Yeah I guess that's all we can do is take it one day at a time...but wish we mental types would have a few more good days and less of the bad ones. Today I go see my med nurse. Having lived with mental illness all my life I don't hold any hope that there is a "magical pill". Sorry don't want to depress ya
ReplyDeletewell, it sounds like you've taken away something, some coping skills? And, as I'm also finding out, the medication game takes a long time, since your body reaches plateaus...ahem...like weight loss? ugh. let's not go there, too late at night for that BS. :)
ReplyDeleteCatmommie weight-loss seems like a very evil word to me at the moment because I'm going nowhere. I need to call the weight loss doctors office and see if I have done everything I have to do to go ahead with my lap-band surgery. First of all I have to dig through everything to find his number. I have to re-make my appt with the dietician and show up this time. I'm afraid she will tell me I can't go through with the surgery because I haven't proved to her that I can follow a diet and lose a little, proving to her that I will follow her instructions before and after the surgery Oh de pain *hand to forhead*
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