Feels like I am floating around without an anchor. I see things but don't do anything about them, and some of these things are big enough to fall over.
Partial Hospital is way gone in the rear-view mirror. I got a questionnaire from the Insurance with 14 questions to rate my experience. I maybe crazy but not dumb. Everything got the highest rating. Insurance companies will do anything not to have to pay for mental health costs. They want to know that their money was well spent. Bastards
Good news Blue Cross will pay for a portion of my Abilify. Even tho I can't afford $70/mo along with my other medical expenses that's far better than $575/mo. Husband mad and pissed that another pill is added to my personal pharmacy, less money I can give him. He is way bent out of shape and feels like he is treated like "a used rubber" by everybody in the house. (His term for being stuck with all of the bills while everybody else has a good time spending all their money to themselves) Amanda said yesterday somebody told her that Abilify was addictive and that their husband was stuck in the Crazy House because it messed up his mind so much.
3 different reactions. Meanwhile I am here, sitting in the clothes I sat in yesterday with dirty teeth, wondering through the house for food that isn't there. I should have put the bread in the fridge. In this heat if you don't it goes mouldy.
I just ate some cantaloupe I found in the fridge. That tasted mouldy too for some reason. It was a perfectly good melon which was bought yesterday, nothing at all wrong with it.
There is food if I would cook. Plenty of eggs in the fridge and stuff like that if I ever felt ambitious. I haven't been ambitious in over 5 years. I hate cooking. Gene cooks supper I would be just as happy with a muffin or other junk food. That's all I feel like eating.
My cat is lying on the tile floor on her back with all four paws in the air. When my grandson shows up she will vanish for hours. Clever cat
Linda, how bout boiling a couple of eggs or cooking up some baked beans? When I felt like this last year, I went onto a depression forum, and the advice was to try to just do ONE small thing, even though you don't feel like it. I took that advice and it worked. Made me feel better.I agree about the cleverness of the cat! xxxxx take care now
ReplyDeleteJules I am just seeing your comment and thanks so much for answering!!! Just out of curiosity did you belong to The Depression Forums? I joined them about 4 years ago and slowly drifted away but then that's how it is with any of the forums I join. All I now is fb.
ReplyDeleteYes and you are absolutely right about the one small thing. When I was in Partial Hospital before we went home for the day the group leader went around the group to see what we intended to accomplish that night and he checked to see if we followed up the next day.
As you said, anything, no matter how small is a step toward wellness. I really appreciate you reading this...sometimes I am afraid I am depressing everybody....I always say, if you want my "happy side" that's on my fb page, etc. Back here is really where it all goes down 8-0
take care hunxxx
take life's cues from a cat, they will never steer you wrong, hehehe
Ah just seen this! Yes that was the one. I found it really helpful during a really difficult time for me. No, you are not depressing me at all lol xxxxx Take care, and the 'small steps' thing really does work. I was on antdepressants for about a year, but have recently come off them. Still feel fragile at times though,and I'm back to square one for a while. Talking about it ALWAYS helps though. Not to worry,onwards and upwards!xxxxx
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