Two little gummy circles

I am doing as well as I can on my pre-op diet and I may have even lost a little weight. The day I started (Saturday) Amanda came in with a box of jellied candy, similar to the fruit slices, only in small, fruity circles.

Amanda wouldn't give me two today. Yesterday and day before I managed to wheedle 2 of them out of her when she took the box out (I had told her to hide the box). You see, when I wasn't on a diet I would have had that whole box gone in no time. These here I can suck slowly and make the two last about 10 minutes.

Doesn't this sound so childish. Begging my daughter for a bit of candy. It should be the other way around. I can remember being upset to the point of tears because one day not long ago I asked her to get me a muffin (soon I won't be able to eat them) and offered her the money but she didn't do it.

You might ask, I have a license and a car, why didn't I go and get what I wanted. The reason: I don't want to leave the house. I only leave when I absolutely have to, such as my weekend job or dr. visit. I get everybody to pick things up that I need or want. My reasoning is, "Well Amanda and Gene are always going up and down the road, maybe they will pick it up"

And I am known to pay for the privilege. here's $5, get yourself a coffee (while you get my muffin) or to Gene, "if you cash my cheque I will give you $20." What a way to live.

Even when I wasn't on this diet I wouldn't buy myself any "good stuff" even if I passed the coffee shop or whatever. It seemed to me that if someone brought the food to me, it was better than if I got it myself and hid it away (like I used to before I stopped going out of the house). I used to sneak in boxes of Little Debbies and hide them all over, or chocolates that I would eat after everybody else went to bed.

So in a way, not getting out even for the junk that I craved, I saved a lot of calories. There's no more Dollar Store, Job Lot or Christmas Tree Shop to get all the lower-priced good stuff.

So here I sir
t at midnight, writing out this drivel. It seems like after all the begging and writing, the urge for my two little circle jellies has gone. Food is an emotional thing. It seems insane that a 55 year old grown woman would wheedle her 29 year old daughter for a little sweet stuff.

Those of you who naturally don't rely on nice tasting junk food to resolve your emotional problems will never understand what I just wrote.

But the ones struggling with weight like I am will get the picture. We have walked in each others moccasins in forums, weight loss groups, and just talking among ourselves.

I want to be thin and healthy....I want to be thin and healthy