Dishes and depression

I have a stack of dishes so high that everything I own is in the sink. I can see them from where I am sitting now. I need to get up and do them but depression has me by the butt and is holding me in this chair. When I saw my medication nurse last week she asked me how the lap-band was doing. I said "fine, I don't even know it is there. But to tell the truth, you can fix my stomach all you like, but my mind is still broken and it can't be fixed".

For those who don't know, I have Bipolar disorder which is a chemical imbalance in the brain. I take a lot of medication to control it but sometimes I feel mighty low. They added Abilify to my mix of Lamictal, Prozac and Wellbutrin and Xanax for my anxiety attacks but it is still an uphill battle. Depressed people can't "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" or "get a move on", and being told there are many people much worse off than  we are just adds guilt to the depression.

Amanda bought cookie dough from my grandson's school fund-raising and two big tubs are sitting in the fridge. M&M's and Snickerdoodle. I have a great weakness for raw cookie dough and I have had a couple of tablespoons of each. I am gonna get yelled at. I can't take any more and I feel kinda sick for eating what I did. So why did I eat it? It wasn't cookies, it was just plain ole dough.

This post is not for encouraging anyone to feel better about themselves, or turn them away from getting a lap-band placed around their stomach. This is about being depressed, unable to communicate this to anybody but this blog, and at least getting those dishes done. There's nothing any more that can be done for me. I am on medication for mental illness for the rest of my life and I have to live around it. I accept that. But some days are worse to live around than others, and it has been this way for the past few days.

Linda get a move on, and pull yourself by your boot-straps. Don't you know there are many people much worse off than you????